By Danson J Kireti
People get married for different reasons but companionship ranks as a key motivating factor. The comfort of a long term partner in old age is enough reason to keep one going especially when your children think an occasional M-pesa dispatch is all it takes to make you happy. They will be caught up in, living hectic loner lives, unaware that the only prized family cow that kept your days busy, died of anthrax. Therefore, you need a companion, for better or worse to battle the effects of ageing and inevitable senility.
If that companion is a post production video editor working for a TV station or a production company, you would be advised to read the fine print before you sign the certificate.
I talked to Reg Chuhi, editor par excellence and Spielworks post production editor and she revealed some interesting facts as to why you should think twice before heading upcountry to an editor’s rural home for a “ruracio” . Like some other professions, video editors are a special breed.
1. Never watch a movie with an editor. They will ruin the fun.
So, you bought that romantic movie and thought watching it together would suffice as foreplay? Wrong move!!
If they are not pointing to a mistake they are rewinding the movie to see that awesome cut or trying to figure out how a shot was cut. It is like watching those old mobile cinemas that came with a commentator walking the audience through every scene.
2. Editors are not meant for guys who are impatient. They never keep time. They are always held up in final cut.
You plan to meet an editor in an hour’s time but incidentally the computer says
“Writing video and audio…1 hour remaining, then 59 mins, 55mins then later it tells you out of memory. Get ready for a rain check (Read render check). Worse is when the power goes out and you have no power back-up.
Back to square one and editors live by one rule, THE DEADLINE. Emergencies are part of an editor’s modus operandi. Time is the one thing they never have enough of.
If I don’t make, it’s because the production took longer than expected to film a show but the deadline was not moved. The client is breathing down my neck.
Pack the lunch, go to her work place and feed it to her in between cuts.
3. If you are the jealous type then avoid walking with editors, they will try your patience.
An editor will have tonnes of acquaintances they have never met. As Reg says,
“If I stop you on the streets, it does not mean I am stalker or a secret admirer . It’s just that I have edited some video you featured in and getting an actor’s best take or performance part makes me feel like we are acquaintances.
Don’t panic. Stay calm and play along. Editors know glamorous TV people.
4. They have no sense of fashion.You can hardly impress her with a beautiful dress as a gift. Replace with T shirts, jeans and sneakers.
They do not dress to impress and style is about functionality for them. If you are on a date waiting for her to show up in a sexy evening dress you better pray she did not come straight from work. Editors spend long hours seated, eating junk food and squinting in front of a large screen. They are always dressed for an easy drink at the local so if you are looking for a glamour girl, this is the wrong stop, boy!
5.They speak funny and in technical jargon. A coded language that only geeks and nerds can understand.
They often use words that sound like small talk astronauts have on a space shuttle orbiting the earth. Stuff such as, “render, lower thirds, still frame, final cut pro, transcode, codec, ripple edit, rough cut. Basically, editor to editor morse code. You will need to call technical support in search of a format converter to decode to their audio clips, if you know what I mean.